 |
| My son, daughter, and a friend - Fully embracing the change of season... |
Feels a little like wandering aimlessly - A lack of focus can have that effect on a person. You think/hear/say, "You're just taking a little well-deserved break," and yet still feel a tiny pang of guilt, laziness, or regret... or all of the above. As you may know, I took on a lot this year. In addition to continuing my Etsy business and becoming a Mary Kay consultant, I decided to also become a Scentsy consultant, join a book/study group, put my oldest in soccer, my two youngest in daycare part-time, AND join a Zumba class that I try to make it to three times a week. Whew! I know many of you have
a lot more on your plate than I do, but this is a lot for
me. I pride myself on being able to say "no" when enough is enough. I know how important "me" time is for my well-being... And yet I digress...
Last year my daughter was on a mission to learn big, new words and phrases and sprinkle them ceremoniously into her daily conversation. During a chat at the dinner table with our weekly dinner guests, she began interjecting, "You're deviating from the subject," at every possible opportunity. This went on for weeks before it became unbearably annoying, but I thought it was pretty cute for a while that she got so much entertainment from something her father says frequently. I'm sure I only notice it because he's usually saying it to me! I think I might be incapable of giving a direct answer to a question. I can start with the backstory of something, having every intention of getting to the present answer, and end up asking, "Where was I going with this?" or "How did I get started on this subject?" What can I say... I blame it completely on heredity!
 |
| A fuzzy camouflage stocking cap... It's a gift for someone! |
This Summer I was tackling this lack of focus with everything in my arsenal. It wasn't that I was losing interest in the few things I had made big committments to, but knowing myself (and how I can be), I forged ahead by adding more to my list and schedule. I reasoned that if one tangent was falling short of my expectations or losing my complete attention, I had another to bring myself back into the game and renew my energy. My good intentions were that one would jump start the other, and I think they might have worked as temporary distractions... Who can be sure?
 |
| A current work-in-progress - An extra long red Autumn striped scarf... |
I went for weeks without picking up my crochet hooks or jewelry tools. I hadn't had a Mary Kay function aside from team meetings in weeks as well. It wasn't because I was successfully distracting myself with other "hobbies" and interests, it was because I wasn't focusing on any one thing at all. And in true human fashion, I started beating myself up for this. I told myself I had taken on too much and in return, I had allowed
everything to slide. Being the perfectionist I am, I allowed little comments here and there to seep in and erode my sense of purpose. My philosophy has always been "One thing at a time," along with my well-worn mantra, "Anything worth doing is worth doing well." In other words, if you aren't giving it your all, you might as well not be giving it anything.
As the leaves brightened slowly and vividly around me, the air became cooler and more brisk, and I felt myself awakening. I have always loved the beauty of Autumn, and as the leaves begin to fall and changes in the air begin taking place, I have to
allow myself to
stop and
breathe! I may be a perfectionist, but I'm not incapable of seeing the positives in this bustling schedule. I made it through the Summer burn and was becoming fully ready to buckle down for the internal focus and changes I needed to make to get through the Winter ahead. I had had a lot of time to think about what I
hadn't been doing and what I
could have been doing, and now I was ready and mentally clear to actually
do it!
 |
| A dusty pink and plum purple and heathered gray striped cowl / infinity / circular scarf neck warmer... |
My inner Negative Nelly told me I wasn't accomplishing much over the last few months but my inner Enlightened Ellie realized that, although the things I was occupying myself with weren't necessarily on my list or anyone else's, I was still achieving
a lot! It dawned on me that I had made several new friends and connected more deeply with some of my existing local friends. Even though I hadn't listed a ton of new Etsy items or hosted tons of parties, I had started accumulating a vast list in my mind of new projects and beautiful compositions. My house was cleaner!!! In those few blurry and seemingly unproductive months, I had moved, consolidated, and completely reorganized my studio/desk area and my Mary Kay inventory. It was easier to beat myself up for all the things that I
wasn't getting done, than to pat myself on the back for all the things I did that, had I kept all those regular "chores" on my plate, I would have
never made the time for.
 |
| Flecked Ecru Wristwarmers... |
While motivation had been in short supply, inspiration had been a part of my vocabulary for many weeks in a row. My focus had been lacking, but my mind, heart, body and soul were being rigorously exercised. My Mary Kay business, whether it's selling like hotcakes or not, helps me feel beautiful, and reminds me to take good care of myself throughout the day because looking good = feeling good, whether I want to admit it or not! My book/study group is helping clear the cobwebs out of my mind while building some strong new relationships. My kids are blossoming like crazy as they learn new skills in their latest adventures. Scentsy products make my house smell amazing while calming and rejuvenating me. And here I am with my age-old 'clarity catcher,' blogging again! Zumba has been one of the best things I've added to the schedule so far - I feel amazing! Even though the numbers on the scale haven't decreased much yet, my body is reshaping itself and giving me tons of energy I never thought I'd have again! Slowly but surely, Stacey's gettin' her groove back!
 |
| Happy Fall! |
