I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.
-- Coco Chanel
I may be the last person on the face of the planet warranted to discuss at any length the various complexities of fashion or style. Let's just get that out of the way tout de suite.... Let's just say that I was not endowed with wealth... Like, ever. And a large percentage of my clothing, if not all of it at times, throughout my childhood and teen years consisted of hand-me-downs and second hand finds. Accessories? Those were for rich people and functional occasions, like... snowstorms. As a native (and poor) Oregonian, even umbrellas were a frivolous extravagance. Worse yet, as I write this I am in my pajamas.... At one o'clock in the afternoon... Such is the life of a stay-at-home-mom. Hush. Don't talk to me about irony. You can't see me... Writing this is a thinly veiled effort to hold myself accountable for my current personal wardrobe!
There are a multitude of reasons that I learned to appreciate city life in stark contrast to my upbringing in a small town. Once I got used to the various nuances of living in a metropolitan area, I noticed that dressing nicely meant getting treated significantly better wherever I went. Looking the part of "happy to be here" seemed to be contagious. Salespeople were helpful and never pushy. Strangers made friendly chit-chat. I made friends in general. These were huge accomplishments for me! I was, for once in my life, perceived as approachable, intelligent, and dare I say it, chic sometimes? When living in a small town, I downplayed my openness and adventurousness. Being rigid and "average" felt like I was protecting myself, while being flexible and interested in trying new things and meeting new people seemed foolish and irrelevant. I decided that my time in the city was invaluable - Practically everything at virtually any time was available to me and my children, why not enjoy it and learn from it?
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| Redneck Hot Rollers... (Ca. 1991) |
Besides the traffic, which just becomes an ordinary aspect of daily life after a while, I loved living in the suburbs and working in the city. And if I'm being completely honest, I even miss that darned traffic. Quiet time to myself, in my car, was rejuvenating! I thought it was great to spot a stylish woman in a coat or boots to die for, wondering if I could pull that off... Men in trendy shirts and jeans or business suits, a delicious sushi restaurant and... Saks Fifth Avenue?! I can't believe I didn't force myself to walk inside even once just to window shop, because, I jokingly told people, 'I couldn't afford it!' It was not uncommon to meet a woman who didn't get regular manicures and highlights, or have children and actually stay at home with them all day every day. In fact, I met men who did that for their wives instead,
including the salon time! Women in the city were on the go and had glamorous lives. I thought it was fabulous. I was also thrilled that my children were exposed to people, places and things that I never even thought
I would be. Different cultures, different lifestyles, different opportunities... So many things to do and see! Everything and everyone was so interesting to just look at, if not interact with!
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| Portland, OR |
I enjoyed these aspects of city life because I sort of discovered how I wanted to represent myself outwardly... There was a niche for everyone, no need to hide anything in order to fit in. If you wanted privacy and anonymity, it was there. If you wanted to make friends and be social, that was always available too. Standing out was expected in order to get noticed for that job or connection. I loved that I didn't have to worry about things like finding work or safe and educational childcare... And then we moved away.
I went from working full time in a very professional environment to not. Instead of finding form and function in the latest trends and sophisticated classics, I saw someone out in their pajamas
every time I left the house. Clothing was no longer what I considered stylish, just sort of functional. Not long after,
I started leaving the house in pajama pants. All I can say about that is that I've learned never to say never. We came from a small town so I thought I knew what I was getting into, but this was too much for me. I was quite literally going through culture shock. Slowly at first, it really started getting to me... It got
into me. I rationalized that it wasn't worth the investment of time and money to put makeup on every day. And why bother dirtying nice clothes when no one, except the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally, is going to see me anyways? No one here seemed to expect me to, and since I barely knew anyone, I came to settle on the idea that it didn't matter what I looked like. I was housebound.
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| Clinton Kelly & Stacy London |
And then Pajama Jeans came out. I wondered what the world was coming to. I felt sure I was going to see those on someone I knew, and I was terrified that that someone was going to be me. I've always loved the show
"What Not To Wear," but I was getting to the place in my life where my outward appearance, and the appearances of others was actually, physically,
depressing me. Stacy and Clinton assured their proteges of this fact in many episodes. You've heard the mantra, "Its what's inside that counts," but the truth is, that we are all human beings who judge each other based on first impression. If someone tells you the first time they met you that your complete soul immediately appealed to them, with no gut reaction based on your physical appearance first, I'd advise you to either marry them or take a crucifix with you when encountering them again.
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| High Tea... In tube socks... (Ca. 1981) |
Most importantly, I began passing negative judgment on my new temporary location because of
its outward appearance. I didn't like where I was because it looked to me like no one else liked being here either. I couldn't see evidence, in the simplest of expressions, of people
celebrating this place and how it made them feel. Once again, I felt compelled to shrink back and fit in. It felt like death. Of course, I am totally exaggerating, and I now do not feel this way every time I go into town. I know how much people love living here, and I've met many 'effortlessly chic' people now that we've been here a while. At the time, I wasn't getting out enough to formulate a truly objective opinion of my new home, but I couldn't fight the feeling that if most everyone in the grocery store couldn't even muster up the effort to slap on some mascara or real denim, when I was hugely pregnant and schlepping two kids around... Again, I am exaggerating - What can I say, it's what I do! I knew how I felt when someone else seemed overdressed, making me wonder when the camera crew was going to appear or if someone in my presence might actually be having tea later with the Queen of England... Better to blend so as not to make anyone uncomfortable, right?
The truth is that if you dress the same way when you are headed out in public as you do when you're sleeping or sick, what does that say about your feelings toward where you are or have to be? Others appreciate it when your appearance pays respect to your environment. If you love your environment, then tell the world without speaking a word. For example, you take notice when a friend is sporting a new pair of earrings, or a cool new haircut - Maybe not because it is in your personal taste, but because of how it makes
her feel. Sometimes it inspires
you to take a risk and make a change, because when you look good, you feel
better, if not always good! What you put on and into your body should be reflective of how you
want to feel, not necessarily just pure comfort or convenience. Many believe their body is a temple, and most people would be more than a little disgusted if their real, cherished temple was finished with cheap siding and peeling gray paint.
You've heard, "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." A good mission in life is to be content and find pleasure and happiness in the simple things, like what you already have. Sometimes cost is prohibitive, many people don't feel right investing a ton of money and energy into their appearance. Many people reject the idea of being judged outwardly, and rebel with fierce expression through their appearance, swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. But for me, putting on makeup isn't always about 'covering up' and appeals to my affinity for art and color. I don't consider outfits that make me look good and feel good as messaging or advertising - They appeal to my tiny inner extrovert. I think I might actually believe that a great haircut and style might have the potential to kick-start dramatic change your life!
Not everyone has time and energy to put into "making yourself up" every day but it is so worth the effort, when leaving the house, to put on a good face in more ways than one. Women, especially, succumb to what I like to call "deflective default" after marriage and children - They seem to think people stop looking at them or even
seeing them. As parents and even just plain
adults, we should strive to be role models of what we think true beauty, poise, character and personality looks like. Inside
and out. If you are someone's employee, it should be part of your job to exhibit professionalism and cheer in what you do. Inside
and out.
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| I have always thought my mother had great taste in shoes. (Ca. 1980) |
If styles, trends, and accessories feel like a costume or uniform to you, and that is distasteful or seems conventional to you, by all means view it differently. If you struggle with expressing yourself or conforming, you don't have to "dress up!" Be yourself. Don't try too hard. Inner beauty and self-confidence doesn't need a lot of flash. Project what you want to reflect, because like it or not, you are always sending a message and expressing something. Make sure it is what you want to say.
Life in our beautiful environment on Earth is a wonderful, miraculous, incomparable gift. Shouldn't it look like it?
